It's a boy!!! Now... onto choosing a name.

Heartbeat

Today I went to my 20 week appointment and my midwife found the baby's heartbeat in a moments time. It sounded so strong and perfect. I am feeling the baby move everyday now, it is just so amazing and becoming more and more real that there really is a little one in there. On Friday I will go for my sonogram and hopefully find out if it is a boy or girl.

Back to School

So it is back to school tomorrow after a nice long break that didn't seem as much like a break as it should have. It started with a terrible stomach bug that landed me in the hospital for IV fluids. Once that passed Christmas was upon us. We went to my in-laws first and then on to my parent's house to celebrate. There were two days of down time and then I headed off to Vermont with my mom to visit our family. It was so wonderful to meet my new cousin baby Jack and receive valuable advice on motherhood from my cousin Sarah.



We got home late on Thursday and I have been enjoying these last few relaxing moments. I snuck into my classroom on Friday and got organized. It felt like ages since I had been there so the time spent though brief gave me a great peace of mind. I am a little nervous about going back to school because it seems like every little thing makes me tired. I will just have to force myself to sit if I have to. I am also hopeful that the nausea phase might be behind me. The trick is not to let myself get too hungry, eat little snacks throughout the day. I am so excited to be feeling what must be the baby moving in there. Every once in a while, often right before I fall asleep, I feel the smallest fluttering or buzzing sensation in there. It is so comforting. I am in love already.

So Thankful...

This year I couldn't be more thankful for Thanksgiving. I am finally pregnant and after traveling down a road that I did not think would lead me here I am so happy. The baby is due in June and I am at the end of the first trimester. I feel great.

Rocking Chair

I came across this poem on a fertility website I frequent and it made me all teary, but it expresses my sentiments exactly. It was written by a girl named Carrie.

Rocking Chair

there's an empty room just down the hall
with a door that's locked up tight
that one day will be filled with love
when the time is right

for now that room has no rug
no crib or drapes you'll see
but in the corner is a rocking chair
sat upon by only me

it's in this chair, as i rock,
that i let my dreams come true
and color schemes drift through my mind
in shades of pink and blue

i wonder what it will be like
to hold you in my arms
and make the promise, as mother's do,
to keep you safe from harm

how longingly i've wished for you,
your smile and baby scent
i know you are my destiny
my own angel, heaven sent

but for now it's just me
and a teddy bear, it seems
but i promise i will wait for you
in my rocking chair of dreams...

Doin' the happy dance...

Brad Paisley touched my hand last night... I am a happy girl!
Joining his fan club was one of the smartest moves I ever made. He saves the best seats for the members so we were in the second row seats 3 and 4 from the stage. Everyone worked their way to the front though, so I did too. Great show... I'm still on cloud nine.

TTC..OPK...EIEIO

Lately I feel like I am drowning in acronyms. I have had about all I want to of the trying to conceive thing. It has been several months now with no luck and every month it is like torture getting my hopes up only to be disappointed. I promised myself that I wouldn't let this get me stressed out but I am finding it hard not to be. I am a planner, so you would think this would be right up my alley, but TTC planning can be so tiring and stressful. I'm hoping that I will be able to force myself to chill out about it this summer. Until then, send some baby dust my way.

Tagged

I've been tagged by my girl Maggie so it looks like I'm "it."
Here are the rules:

1. Link to the person that tagged you and leave a comment on their blog, so that their readers can visit yours.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Share 7 Random facts about yourself on your blog.
4. Tag 7 random people at the bottom of your post, linking to their blog. Let each person know by leaving a comment on their blog.

Here are my 7 random facts:

1. I recently started yoga and meditation and I love it.
2. I can't touch sponges...they give me the creeps.
3. I have never been drunk.
4. I would live in Cape May if someone would just buy me house there.
5. I love Reeses Peanut Butter Cups!
6. Everytime I see a cardinal or owl I think of my Great Grandmother who I miss so much it hurts sometimes.
7. My pet peeve is being blamed for things I didn't do.


Now, I have to tag 7 people:

(However...I don't know 7 people's blogs so...)

Beth
Jamie
Corey
Ryan

Checking In...

I really need to make more time for this. As winter is quickly turning into spring I thought I would share a few wintry photos of my "furry babies."


Gizmo likes to make a nest for himself with a blanket everytime we put a fire on. Belle follows him everywhere, so here they are all cozied up.





Gizmo watching the snow.

Coziness aside, I am literally itching for spring to be here. (My skin is so dry!) I saw a robin this morning and couldn't help but point it out to my carpool buddy with all the optimism that one of my kindergarteners would have put into it. Spring is so close I can almost smell it in the air.

Feeling Blah

I am home from school again today and I hate that. I haven't been in for a full week since Christmas. I had a sinus infection the week after break, then last Monday and Tuesday I had pink eye so had to stay home then. Just when I thought I was out of the woods I started to get a terrible sore throat and swollen glands Friday night. Sunday I went to the doctor and sure enough I have strep. I can't seem to catch a break. I feel like once my immunity is down I am susceptible to everything. Now my doctor wants me to stay home from work until Wednesday but I really hate to do it. I don't like leaving my class in someone else's hands, even though we are really blessed at my school for the most part with good subs. I was so praying for a snow day today so that I wouldn't have to call in, but it didn't snow as much as they had predicted. I am hoping to feel better by tomorrow so I can go back. Here's hoping...

Just Call Me Bob Vila

I got so much done around our house during Christmas break and it feels wonderful. I finally sat down, with a little help from daddy, and learned how to use a miter saw. Once I got over the initial fear of using such a large and noisy power tool I was off and running. The people who lived in my house before me left a lot of stuff half finished, and part of that was no baseboard moulding in most of the house. So, I painted and added new moulding in the dining room, theater, and living room. I also finally repaired the last of the flood damage by adding new drywall to the theater room. Finally, I repainted the doors in my living room white, and the walls "green tea" green, which as it turns out is shockingly bluish. It's okay, we love blue, it's just that almost every room in the house is now a different shade of it. There is still more work to do around here, but a house is never really done. Who says girls aren't handy?

My only regret is that I barely rested at all and most nights I was up working until almost 2AM. This ran me down and caused me to get a cold. Once I get going with soemthing, I don't know when to stop. It was great to get together with both family and friends over vacation. I am very grateful for all the wonderful people in my life and for my "growing better by the day" home.

School Days

I woke up this morning and felt sick to my stomach at the thought of going to work. I promised myself I wouldn't get so stressed this year, yet here I am. It seems like every school year brings new challenges. This year is bringing many. I have a tough little group on my hands. Between oppositional behavior, one child who runs out of the classroom whenever she wants to, frequent bathroom accidents, and tough social situations, I have my hands full. Everything happens for a reason though and I am meant to learn something from this experience. Perhaps I will come out of this school year with better classroom management skills. The wonderful thing is that the powers that be just decided to send me help. Starting tomorrow I will have a full time helper in the classroom. I am optomistic that it will make a difference. Here's hoping.

Dear Beth and Maggie- Thanks for Christmas shopping and munchies with me on Saturday, I needed that! :o) I had so much fun.

Tis' the Season to be Jolly...

What is it about this time of year? Christmas is magical. I love, love, love this time of the year. I am a sucker for carols and twinkle lights. As I was guiltily putting out our Christmas decorations, a week before the official start of the season, my thoughts wandered as they often do and I realized that Chritmas is so special to me because it holds so may sweet memories.

Ryan proposed to me in front of my parent's Christmas tree, and just sitting in the soft glow of these lights reminds me of that moment. One of my ornaments is a little fuzzy dog in a basket. I have had it since, well... as long as I can remember, and hanging it is like holding my childhood in my hands. I hang up old stockings and remember my sisters and I sneaking down the stairs long before dawn to see if Santa had come yet and filled them. I wear cozy flannel pajamas and think of the tradition in my family of opening one gift on Chritmas Eve which was always new jammies.

I think what touches me most though are all the things at this time of year which remind me of my Nana. I have my Nana's silver sleigh bells, and when they ring I can see her house in my mind. I smile when I hang up the stocking she crocheted for me, knowing that my hands are touching something that hers once touched. When we used to go visit her on Saturdays we would drive home at night and count all the houses with Christmas lights on them. My mom later confessed that she did this to keep my sisters and I awake, but it is still one of my favorite memories. All these little things help me to feel connected to her even though she is no longer with us.

What is one of your favorite Christmas memories?

Time for a Challenge...

Not that this past week wasn't challenging... lol. It is always hard to come back to school in September and help a new class learn the ins and outs of how school works. This year it seems I might have a tough bunch on my hands, so I realize now more than ever I have to dedicate time to myself as well as school. The last time I had a class like this I became so wrapped up in the difficulty of work that I made myself sick. I literally would feel like throwing up every morning. Granted that was many years ago, and I have learned a lot since then, but I refuse to do that to myself again.

To work toward some dedicated "me" time I am going to try a Jamie recommended challenge.
http://rhonnadesigns.com/inspiration/challenges.html
The idea is to break a bad habit in 21 days. Mine is not exercising daily which I must begin to do. Ever since my mom got sick in August I have lost some of my focus toward healthy living. I was doing really well so I need to get my focus back. I am hopeful that the inspiration from this challenge will help. Here it goes!

Leaping in...

At the expense of jumping right back into this, I forgot how theraputic it can be to vent here, and even just to write. It has been a really crazy week. A lot of really negative stuff has happened, though I have faith that everything happens for a reason. The only good thing about all of this happening at once is that it puts things into clear perspective. You quickly realize what your real focus should be.

My mother is in the hospital and I am so worried about her. She isn't facing anything life threatening at the moment, but this incident has made me realize in stark reality just how fragile her life is. She isn't taking good care of herself and I feel like no amount of effort on my behalf or my family's behalf can force her to do so. At the end of the day she has to take care of herself. How can I help her to do it? She is the kind of person that has such a big heart that she is always focused on being kind and helpful to others. She forgets about herself. She dealt with pain for a week before being admitted to the hospital because she was focused on my uncle and our family. She is an incredibly selfless person. I love her more than words can say.

Oops

I just realized how long it has been since I blogged. It isn't for the lack of material as much as for the lack of time. Life has been hectic. It always is when the school year winds down. The house is looking better since the flood waters have receeded and we learned some good lessons on what not to keep downstairs. My dear friend Erica had twin boys. I am so happy for her, they are beautiful. Margaret asked me to be Sydney's Godmother and I am honored. There have been many things happening here and there and thankfully they are mostly lovely.

Rain, Rain, Go Away...

I can finally take a moment to sit and gather my thoughts. To make a very long story short our house was majorly flooded Sunday night due to the Noreaster. We knew we might encounter some trouble when we heard the weather reports, but we never thought it could ever get as bad as it did. We decided not to go to sleep Sunday night, and that was a good thing. Around midnight the water started to creep into Ryan's home office, so we quickly moved upstairs some collectibles and DVD's. We decided to move as much as we could from that room to higher ground. Around 2:30 am I sat down to rest a moment when all of the sudden the cats bolted from the living room with their tails poofed up. I walked toward the corner they ran from to see what scared them when...wooosh....in came the deluge. The next thing I knew our whole downstairs level was covered in about 6 inches of water. It turns out that a dam up the road from us broke and the lake wound up overflowing into our development, which explained the big rush of water.We quickly worked to bring what we cared about most in the remaining rooms upstairs, but at that point a lot of the damage was done. So much for my little room.

At first I felt such despair. I knew I had lost a lot of memorabilia because my scrap book room was soaked. Ryan lost some of his things too, memorabilia he had hung on to over the years, not to mention our carpets and furniture. I cried my heart out because I felt so overwhelmed. How does one clean up a mess like that? I didn't even know where to start. Then the waters receeded and left us with 4 very wet carpets and a lot of damaged furniture. I felt such saddness...and then I got a chance to watch the news and I realized that it truly could have been so much worse. Seeing the damage that many other unfortunate people had to endure helped to put my mess into perspective.

So now we are working on drying out and cleaning up, with some much appreciated help from my daddy, Laurie, and Veronica. We threw out so much stuff today, which was a step towards normal. I'll just pretend it's spring cleaning and not parting with things we otherwise would not have wanted to part with. My body aches from all of the stress we have endured, both physically and mentally. I have to remember that at the end of the day the important thing is that we are okay. No one was hurt, thank God. What we lost were things...they were just things...and they don't matter...not much anyway.

New Hair

Just before leaving for Arizona I decided it was time to cut my hair. It was getting to be so long it was hard to manage. I also decided that I wanted to donate it, realizing that such a gesture would help someone like my Aunt Janet who I lost to breast cancer in 1995. I didn't realize until now though how much it would feel like a sacrifice. As Jo said of cutting her hair in "Little Women," "It will be good for my vanity, I was getting too proud of my wig." I miss my long braid but find comfort in knowing that my hair was not swept up by the hairdresser's broom but instead will be used by someone in need.

Arizona was different this time around. It was wonderful to see Winkie married and happy. This time the trip seemed rushed, with a check list of things Carrie had to do. I knew this would be the case since it was her sister's wedding. She also had to work many of days we were there. Still, we had the chance to lounge together at night and chatted away as much as possible. Meanwhile Ryan and I explored the area in our rental car by day and enjoyed some nice alone time of our own. We also spent a day up in Sedona, which was beautiful and relaxing. We had massages and then ate lunch at a cute little Mexican Cantina. It was picturesque. Every day we had the pleasure of enjoying 85-90 degree weather so it was a shock to the body to return to 50 degrees. We left Phoenix with some new memories and the rejuvination that comes from vacation.

Indigo Girls

I can't believe I forgot to write about the Indigo Girls concert we went to on Wednesday. See, that's what getting angry gets you! All those mad thoughts running about in my mind blocked out a few things I wanted to write about. We had such a great time. They sang every song we hoped they would, but the cherry on top of the sundae was when just before singing "Closer to Fine" they said, "We would like to invite our special guest onto the stage, Lisa Loeb." AHHHH!!! I jumpued out of my seat. Ryan said I lit up like a Christmas tree. I love Lisa Loeb as much as the Indigo Girls if not more so it was such a treat for me. Margaret, remember on Sunday I wanted to tell you something but forgot what it was? That was it! A big hug and kiss to Ryan for buying the tickets for me and treating me to a Kelly night, I know that one was all about me and I really appreciated it.

I got to go visit Maggie and family in their new house on Sunday. It is going to be so beautiful when they finish rennovating. It is beautiful already, so I can only imagine when they are done. It is always nice to see Grandma Debbie too, and of course Miss Sydney and Corey (can't leave Dad out.) Thanks for a fun day, I miss you now that you are so far away.

We are off to AZ on Friday for Winkie's wedding. I am bummed that Beth isn't going. I hope that she is feeling better soon. I will write about this trip as soon as I can.

A Little Rant

Sorry everone...this is a long one... I am annoyed.

About a week ago we started having trouble with the electricty in my house. I noticed that when I was using my dryer at the end of the cycle when it was just about to shut down it would cause a circuit to trip. Now, this could be a sign that my dryer is on its last legs, or it could be a sign that my house is electrically imbalanced and overloaded. (I think that it could be a bit of both, we have a list of 12 things that are electriaclly askew in our home...something is not right.) Anyway, all of this prompted me to search for an electrician. Have you ever done this? Good luck! The first person I called was recommended by a friend. When I got him on the phone he did not want to come because he thinks it is the dryer. I still wanted the house checked out though so I called electrician number two.

The second guy is the reason I am ranting. This one, recommended by a family member, gave me the complete run around. At first he said he would come on Monday at 5:00. Great, I left school right away and hurried home to be there for him. 5:30...5:45....6:00... you guessed it, he didn't show. No phone call or anything. So I call him up and ask him where he is and he said, "Oh..yeah (as if he has forgotten about me completely) I am running behind schedule. I can't come today. How about Friday?" I am thinking, okay now I will go a whole week worrying that my hose might burn down. Fine Friday it is, what time? 5:00 of course. So yesterday I race home again, leaving a "to-do" pile at school to meet up with this guy. Well 5:30 came and went with no word from him. I called him at 6:00 and he mumbled something about having to go to Newburgh and could he come at 7:30? Fine...7:45, 8:00....UGGGG!!!! I called again at 8:00 PM when there was once again no sign of him coming. I got his voicemail. What a shocker....the sure sign that someone is trying to avoid talking to you. I left him a voicemail reinterating my address and saying perhaps he is lost. 9:00 comes around and he still hasn't called or shown up and I call again, this time leaving him a not-so-nice message about his business practices.

The thing that really bothers me here is his disregard for me as a human being. He has an expertise that he knows is in demand and he thinks because of this he can take advantage of other people. I HATE being taken advantage of, it is one of my biggest pet peeves. I hate feeling upset and helpless, like I can't do anything about it. If this guy didn't want my business all he had to do is say so the first time I spoke to him. Instead he gave me the run around and caused me to rush home from work twice and sit around and wait for nothing. Why does he think my time is any less valuable than his? Why do people find it so easy to walk all over me? I could cry I am so frustrated. So now I am going to try the "ask all my neighbors" route and hope I find someone that way. If not I will just turn to the yellow pages and do a blind hunt. I'm sure they won't call me back either. It seems to me that if you aren't having your whole house wired then you aren't worth an electrician's time. What if you just need your dryer to work? Does anyone know a good electrician?